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wrote about 8 raps in the month of february. thats when i was staying in the most beautiful airbnb ever. offered to me by the owner of my old job.

 

the air tasted sweet.

 

the drugs were sufficient.

 

i lost my job but that wasnt my fault. (fuck mimi)

 

did 7 or more readings on my friends. (all ended with healing the inner child)

 

i was doing so good.

 

but i still went back home.

 

to the skeleton of a home.

 

the remains of what once was.

 

chasing the flesh that once protected the bones of stability.

 

now im exposed.

 

i lost my home, my freedom, my cat.

 

ive been on the road since.

 

everyday is an adventure and yesterday i got to heal some pieces of my trauma with a cardinal show. yes, a show that involved one strong cardinal, one greedy bird, and one cardinal mate waiting for its feed. watching to see if the strong cardinal can live up to his colors.

 

the cardinal protected his stash, knowing what was to come.

 

he might have backed away at first, withered in size...

 

but with one look into my eyes, he took his power back.

 

with one embrace from my friend chad, i was shown that the cardinal just wanted to feed his friend. his mate. his lover.

 

i too fight.

 

fight to protect, to nourish, to be enough.

 

i must not wither away, but take back what is mine, and let go of what no longer suits me.

 

even if i love it...

 

even if it makes me sick to leave.

 

i must do what is right for my soul to further follow the journey before it.

 

i must make smiles when i can, 

 

and let go of the tears as they come, 

 

for they are reminders 

 

that we are mortal,

 

that life is beautiful,

 

and that this meat suit is not who we are, but what we have been chosen to live inside to learn and grow.